Ok first off... apologies to those who actually read that last post. I was having a bad day. Here's why.
My Grandma Jaques has breast cancer. At first they thought it was just and isolated tumor even if it was a rare and aggressive form of cancer. She had her lumpectomy and they took 13 lymph nodes to be sure... turns out all 13 have cancer and they found a second tumor. Now she needs radiation, chemo, and another surgery. The doctors are less sure she's going to make it.
My health is better than hers. I had my meeting with my surgeon, he said my blood work is MUCH better, and clinically I'm feeling much better. So I'm getting surgery next month, waiting to hear from the hospital as to when exactly. While they're taking out my gallbladder they're going to inject some contrast fluid into the duct to see if the stone is still there, if there is then after I'm healed from my surgery I have to get a scope put down my throat and up into the duct to remove it. Ack. I'm feeling very anxious about all of this.
Through all of this I haven't really had anyone to talk to about it. So I had just found out that my grandma is probably dying, and I'm anxious as hell and I'm all alone with it. So I ranted, and went Emo for a bit. But I'm over it now.
Not much is new really. I am still job hunting, holy frustrating. I refuse to work at superstore or a&w... I refuse.
Anyway, that's all for now. Lola Out.
Mood: Restless
Music: Gerry Rafferty- "Baker's street"
If I Die Tomorrow: Someone mail that fricken disc for me!
I am Thankful For: Fun Dip
Post Title Taken From: "All I really want" - Alanis Morissette
Quote of the Day: "How did this become a thread on masturbation??" -Stickypaul, on a thread about light cavalry.
October 26, 2008
October 22, 2008
"On this page, I write my last confession..."
*WARNING* this post contains whining and emo-esque feelings.
I'm having a bad day. It hit me today that I have to chase my friends. They never call me, e-mail me, rarely even comment on my blog (if they even read it). I always have to find them and make plans, or find them on msn and say Hi. The only time in the last 6 months a friend called me was when she wanted something. 2 of my friends forgot I was coming to visit them. yet another friend never did return my three phone calls I placed over the last couple months. I got told today by someone I care about that I'm a terrible person. I lost a friend today. I realized that with maybe... 2 exceptions I'm just not important to my friends. And of those 2... I'm slowly losing 1. Great. What the hell do I do now?
I try. I try to be a good friend, to be a good person and no matter what I change I always end up with the same result. Maybe I AM a terrible person and no matter what I do I cant hide that.
I'm hurt, and sad, and tired, and anxious about seeing the surgeon, and I'm overwhelmed and I have no one to talk to about it. I miss my friends.
I'm having a bad day.
Mood: Forlorn and hurt
Music: None
Quote of the Day: "So how does this work...do you get your original testicles back or does my brother give you his?" - Two and a Half Men
I am Thankful for: Skinny Cow Chocolate Ice Cream Sandwiches ( The only way I can eat chocolate right now)
If I Die Tomorrow: Cremate me and spread the ashes over the water.
Post Title Taken From: "The Finale" - Les Miserables
I'm having a bad day. It hit me today that I have to chase my friends. They never call me, e-mail me, rarely even comment on my blog (if they even read it). I always have to find them and make plans, or find them on msn and say Hi. The only time in the last 6 months a friend called me was when she wanted something. 2 of my friends forgot I was coming to visit them. yet another friend never did return my three phone calls I placed over the last couple months. I got told today by someone I care about that I'm a terrible person. I lost a friend today. I realized that with maybe... 2 exceptions I'm just not important to my friends. And of those 2... I'm slowly losing 1. Great. What the hell do I do now?
I try. I try to be a good friend, to be a good person and no matter what I change I always end up with the same result. Maybe I AM a terrible person and no matter what I do I cant hide that.
I'm hurt, and sad, and tired, and anxious about seeing the surgeon, and I'm overwhelmed and I have no one to talk to about it. I miss my friends.
I'm having a bad day.
Mood: Forlorn and hurt
Music: None
Quote of the Day: "So how does this work...do you get your original testicles back or does my brother give you his?" - Two and a Half Men
I am Thankful for: Skinny Cow Chocolate Ice Cream Sandwiches ( The only way I can eat chocolate right now)
If I Die Tomorrow: Cremate me and spread the ashes over the water.
Post Title Taken From: "The Finale" - Les Miserables
October 17, 2008
Now I sit by my window and I watch the cars...
Well. Ok it's been a while since I last updated here hey? So let's hit the highlights.
Probably the most important news is my recent hospital stay. I wasn't feeling well, for about three days and finally Sunday after thanksgiving dinner at which I ate almost nothing and skipped pie (when have I EVER said no to pumpkin pie? Gramma looked offended) I really didn't feel right so I called my mom and we went to the emergency room. All I have to say about that is holy Gong show. We waited 4.5 hours to even see a nurse and another hour to see the doctor, then I was crying in pain for another two hours before they gave me morphine. Then I was throwing up and in pain for another 30 mins before they gave me some dilaudid. Now any of you who know your pain meds might know that one... it did it's job. So after some "frighteningly abnormal" blood work I was sent to the day surgery area where I had a slightly more comfortable bed and nurses who could come see me more than once every hour and a half. I was there until the next morning when they moved me to... of all places the maternity ward. (the babies were damn cute and fairly quiet too.) enter two more nights of sleeping only in 20 min stretches except when they gave me more pain meds, then I slept like a baby! for about an hour.
Anyway, after a CT scan, more blood work, three doctors and a surgeon, it was determined I had Pancreatitis caused by a gall stone blocking the common duct. Very painful and possibly life threatening. I'm out of the woods now, but I'll need surgery here fairly soon, I have an appointment with the surgeon next week. Eep. So now I'm home, sore, disoriented, and kinda missing my dilaudid (I see why people get addicted to that shit). I'm also predicting a fairly significant weightloss in my near future as with my gallbladder I cant eat anything with more than 2g of fat per serving...that excludes drinking 1% milk for those counting. Life sucks.
Ok beyond that I don't have a whole lot of news. I went to van. Had mostly lots of fun. Burned my leg pretty badly with tea, the fault of Carey's cat Kit Kat. *shakes fist* But still I had a good time, was nice to get out of Courtenay for a while.
Also in the news, my hockey team the Canucks are doing quite well. I'm pleased with their play and am enjoying watching them win. I miss my hockey liking friends, anyone out there wanna talk canucks hockey with me? I know what I'm saying I promise! I wish I could go to a game, but between $100 tickets and having to get to and a stay in Vancouver it doesn't seem in the cards.
I think thats about it in my world. I'll promise to update soon. It's bedtime for me. in the meantime here's a game for you!
Mood: Disoriented
Music: My Soft playlist and the Canucks podcasts
Quote of the Day: "I don't know what [pancreatitis] is...but I'm sorry you had it." - Curt
If I Die Tomorrow: I'm pissed I missed pumpkin Pie!
I am Thankful For: Nurses who brought Dilaudid, the surgeon who came to see me more than the doctors, the nurses who were very kind, and the babies who didn't wine near as much as the lady in the next bed.
Post Title From: Still Crazy after all These Years- Paul Simon
Probably the most important news is my recent hospital stay. I wasn't feeling well, for about three days and finally Sunday after thanksgiving dinner at which I ate almost nothing and skipped pie (when have I EVER said no to pumpkin pie? Gramma looked offended) I really didn't feel right so I called my mom and we went to the emergency room. All I have to say about that is holy Gong show. We waited 4.5 hours to even see a nurse and another hour to see the doctor, then I was crying in pain for another two hours before they gave me morphine. Then I was throwing up and in pain for another 30 mins before they gave me some dilaudid. Now any of you who know your pain meds might know that one... it did it's job. So after some "frighteningly abnormal" blood work I was sent to the day surgery area where I had a slightly more comfortable bed and nurses who could come see me more than once every hour and a half. I was there until the next morning when they moved me to... of all places the maternity ward. (the babies were damn cute and fairly quiet too.) enter two more nights of sleeping only in 20 min stretches except when they gave me more pain meds, then I slept like a baby! for about an hour.
Anyway, after a CT scan, more blood work, three doctors and a surgeon, it was determined I had Pancreatitis caused by a gall stone blocking the common duct. Very painful and possibly life threatening. I'm out of the woods now, but I'll need surgery here fairly soon, I have an appointment with the surgeon next week. Eep. So now I'm home, sore, disoriented, and kinda missing my dilaudid (I see why people get addicted to that shit). I'm also predicting a fairly significant weightloss in my near future as with my gallbladder I cant eat anything with more than 2g of fat per serving...that excludes drinking 1% milk for those counting. Life sucks.
Ok beyond that I don't have a whole lot of news. I went to van. Had mostly lots of fun. Burned my leg pretty badly with tea, the fault of Carey's cat Kit Kat. *shakes fist* But still I had a good time, was nice to get out of Courtenay for a while.
Also in the news, my hockey team the Canucks are doing quite well. I'm pleased with their play and am enjoying watching them win. I miss my hockey liking friends, anyone out there wanna talk canucks hockey with me? I know what I'm saying I promise! I wish I could go to a game, but between $100 tickets and having to get to and a stay in Vancouver it doesn't seem in the cards.
I think thats about it in my world. I'll promise to update soon. It's bedtime for me. in the meantime here's a game for you!
 Playing With Fire Game |
Mood: Disoriented
Music: My Soft playlist and the Canucks podcasts
Quote of the Day: "I don't know what [pancreatitis] is...but I'm sorry you had it." - Curt
If I Die Tomorrow: I'm pissed I missed pumpkin Pie!
I am Thankful For: Nurses who brought Dilaudid, the surgeon who came to see me more than the doctors, the nurses who were very kind, and the babies who didn't wine near as much as the lady in the next bed.
Post Title From: Still Crazy after all These Years- Paul Simon
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