It's weird to see that while I feel so much has changed, really not much has.
Philip and Nemo and I still live together in our little apartment. We live with Claire now, not Tiffany. I'm on my second post burger joint job.
I'm an auntie.
I'm another year older, wiser, and more beautiful. I have love and affection in my life. Things change, and they stay the same.
I've been reflecting a lot lately, seeking the things in my life I dont see clearly. I pick them up in my mind and I turn them over to see what's hiding. I'm finding lots of things. Some good, some not so good. I see patterns in my behavior, in my thoughts, my feelings. I sat down a while ago and I wrote a few lists, of things I want, things I need, favorite memories, friends I've left and lost along the way and why. I miss them. I miss the child I was with big dreams and the determination to reach them. I'm not sure when I decided that I was never going to achieve any of them, but somewhere on my path I did. I gave up. I don't want to give up anymore.
I sat down today to formally write out my bucket list. I got stumped after 10 things. 10. How sad is that? A dreamer, a girl who spent more time in her own head and world than she did doing anything else, can't think of more than 10 things she wants to do before she dies? When did that happen? How did I let that happen?
I've decided that tomorrow, precisely 1 year form the date of my last post here, I will post my complete 100 item Bucket List. I have got to get dreams back into my life, back into my soul. I need to start crossing things off that list. This is my only life, and I have no way of knowing how long I will be here. I can not, will not waste any more of my time.
Mood: Both terribly disappointed and determined
Music: Some kid outside my window singing a Ke$ha song (-_-)
Quote of the Day: "Today's douchbag of the month frontrunners include Fatty McThugLyfe and his brigand of mentally challenged friends. Let's give a big hand all!" -Philip via Twitter
If I Die Tomorrow: I'll be sad.
I am Thankful for: Moments of real clarity, beauty, and freshness.
Bonus!
Here is a picture of my Niece! Her name is Tabetha Rosalene. She's perfect. I want to be the best, the coolest, the most favorite Auntie ever. An Auntie that shows her she can have anything she dreams.
1 comment:
It's been a while since you've posted! That almost made me cry though, very touching. Maybe you should consider writing as a career, I think you'd have a future in that for sure. Dreams are all we have in this world, make use of them, and don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something. If they do, prove them wrong. It feels great to do that.
Post a Comment