"It's a walk through my regrets and shortcomings"

Regrets are funny things. They serve no purpose, and yet they can eat at you. It's hard to shake them, they'll track you through your life, choosing moments of hurt and darkness to drift up again. To add to the load you may be carrying at that point. I regret a great many things, most I know were beyond my control, even when they occurred. But the others, the things I did and said. The things that were under my control, that were choices I made. Those are the ones that haunt me.

There's nothing I can do about them now, I live with the consequences of my actions same as everyone else. And honestly, as much as whine sometimes, my life is pretty great. I have friends and family that loves me, a roof over my head, money in my pocket. I'll stop before I'm overtly quoting Jan Arden. But really my life these days is pretty good. It wasn't always true, and frankly I'm lucky to have survived it as I have. But that's beside my point. Which is. Why do we feel regret? If everything about us is a product of evolution, then the principle would stand that regret serves some purpose. But what purpose? To help us learn from our mistakes? Maybe. I've learned from mine. And now I want to let them go.

The funny thing is, as much as I regret some things, I'd never change them if I could go back. Because all those things, they made me who I am today and... contrary to ALL logical thought I am mostly happy with who I am. There are small changes I'm still working on, but mostly I like being me. Which is a new feeling, and I like it. But again. Why regret?

I realize, just now whilst talking to Matt, that all of my friends could be considered shoulder devils. None are the angels that would encourage me to take the lighter path. They all encourage me to go after what I want by almost any means necessary and ALWAYS encourage seduction. Seriously what is it about my group of friends and sex? We're all borderline nymphos I swear. And deviants, we're all that too. I say that lovingly of course. But seriously, when I ask a friend for advice more often than not the answer includes handcuffs, heels and a corset. What's a girl to do when she's always being led astray... go astray I suppose. *shrugs*

I miss...late night bouts of the question game. I miss, getting high at the park and talking about nothing and everything. I miss nights when it was so foggy you couldn't see and the sound was all muffled. I miss Bobby. I miss getting hammered with Inna. I miss tarot readings, and girls nights, and dancing at the gay bar. I miss trips to Vic with Inna, and the hilarity of Curt drunk.

So we have an election coming. I hope everyone goes to vote, even if you just spoil your ballot. Going to vote buys your bitching rights, if you don't vote I don't want to hear you bitching about the government. I don't know who I'll vote for this time around. I have to do some thinking. Vote with my head or with my heart? Vote for here or for Ottawa? One of these days I'll post a political rant I'm sure. But not this time. I have strong opinions on somethings and admittedly know very little about others. But that's true for everyone, only not everyone admits it.

Ok, now I'm distracted from my blog by the prospect and conversation about dressing Matt up in a corset when I get to Vancouver next. Sounds like so much fun. Lol, I'm evil sometimes. Curt might have been right when he called me the devil. I know eh didn't mean it but... hmm...

Mood: Contemplative
Music: "I Can Hear the Bells" - Hairspray
If I Die Tomorrow: It's Bobby's job to get Matt into a corset and put a picture by my grave.
I am Thankful For: The sunshine and the promise of a brighter future.
Quote of the Day: "OMG. Why do you have a broccoli icon?!" - Me to Phil re. his broccoli icon.
Post Title Taken From: "Take a Walk with Me" vs. 1 - Written by me.