New Beginning

Ok, so Blogger appears to have eaten my previous blog. Hope it tasted nice. Not too salty or spicy. At any rate, this is my new blog. Hope you all like it. If you don't well, then, damn. I figure a new blog deserves a proper first post. Like a "Where Am I Now" sort of post. So if you know all there is to know about my life just now, skip this post if not..let's roll.

So, here I am I'm 22. Qualified by my four years of postsecondary schooling to take photos and not much else. I just got back from a job in the middle of nowhere, a lovely middle of nowhere called Sullivan Bay. I was a waitress there, something new for me and I really enjoyed it. I met some great people, made some money, took some nice photos, learned some new skills and above all actually enjoyed my job for once.

Most of you (by you I mean anyone who reads this) know I have planned to move to Ottawa at my earliest ability. I was excited and determined to do so. Now, as per my usual inability to stick to a decision, I'm not so dead sure on that. I've done a lot of thinking over the last month and a half about my true motives for moving. Yes I have very valid arguments for moving, but are they my true motives? I don't know anymore. I'm starting to think I was planning to move to where next to no one knew me so I could start over. Run away from all the things in my life I was unhappy with. But I'm no longer convinced that's a feasible thing. For starters who's to say that when I get there I wont create the same issues I have here. Or worse? Plus, is the life I have now so bad that I need a complete scrap to start over? Do I even have the guts and strength to change myself wherever I end up? Most of what I'm running from is inside my head anyway. It's not so much the life I AM living as the life I THINK I'm living, and the memories of the life I've led that I'm running from. Unfortunately for me, my brain will go with me wherever I run to. New surroundings wont make me happy. And there's no real reason I couldn't be happy here too. So, what is the state of my plans to move to Ottawa? Effectively, unchanged, since I can't move yet anyway. At worst they are on hold. Maybe I'll do another season at Sullivan Bay if they'll have me back, bank the money from that and I could move easily. Or maybe I'll travel.

Travel. There's a recurring theme in my life. I've always wanted to travel. Never had the time or the money to do so. I'm starting to think I need to just bite the bullet and do it. Decide to waste an entire summers pay on winter traveling. There are issues with that idea of course. I'm not sure I could travel alone, not sure it'd be safe. But still, maybe if I plan to go, someone will decide to come with me. But this is future conjecture, back to my where am I now post.

So that's work, and school. I'm back in Courtenay living with Hillary, who is 18 and an art student at the school. She seems very nice, sweet and easy going. No Phil, I will not take pictures of her sleeping for you. Sheesh, why do I choose such strange creepy people as friends? Speaking of friends I miss you all. Tomorrow I am seeing Inna and maybe I'll get to see Bobby on Saturday. But the rest of you... Kitty, and Cory and Krista, Crystal, Carey (wow you're all k-sounds...) Rowen (dude waay too long), Matt. I miss you all. Kitty and Krista I should come to your city and I can kill two birds one stone. Crystal, if you come down island.... Cory, Matt and Carey... I should do a mass Vancouver visit. *nods* Anyway, I feel bad I've been neglecting to keep in touch properly with you all. Much Love.

Speaking of neglect. I feel guilty, today was my Dad's 50th birthday and he had to tell me. Lame. I'm a bad daughter. I'm also a bad granddaughter. My grandma Jaques was diagnosed with breast cancer. I've known for a few weeks and I still haven't called or e-mailed her. I feel bad about that but I don't know what to say. I've never lost a close family member before, so this is kinda scary for me. I hope she'll be alright.

Ok I've covered, school, work, friends, family, and a bit of future planning. I think that about covers my life at this point. That said here is today's

Random Thought: Walls. Specifically the walls people put up. It sometimes makes me sad when people have walls up around them. It makes it hard to get to know them and become their friend. This sucks when the person in question is really cool and I'd love to get to know them better and get past those walls and build an actual friendship. not an acquaintance, but a friend. I don't always have enough time with someone to convince them to let me in past their walls and that always makes me a bit sad. I've met so many great people over my life that I couldn't seem to take the next step and become friends with. Yes I'm aware not everyone likes me and wants to be my friend. But some people are just hidden too well by their walls for them to even have made a choice about liking me yet. And that makes me sad. That is my take on walls for right now.

Mood: Restless
Music: Paul Simon- Still Crazy After All These Years
Quote of the Day: "Getting out of this car is like being BORN!" - Booth
If I Die Tomorrow: Somebody find the family portrait on my computer and e-mail it to Sullivan Bay for Jim and Roberta
I am Thankful For: My family what loves me and lets me watch their TV.

Special request. Hey all I love to hear from you, it makes me feel loved. So feel free (and wildly encouraged) to leave me comments! much love!