An answer or two

I realized I keep saying I don't know why Philip is the one I want to hold on to. So I thought about it... why DO I want to hold on to him? The answer is lots of things. Philip if you're reading this you probably want to stop. Everyone else, read at your own risk.

It's because of the way he makes me feel. Brave, beautiful, funny, smart, strong. It's the way his eyes light up when he sees me. The weight of his head on my shoulder when he's tired. It's the way his hair curls around my finger. How he keeps me warm in bed, the way he laughs when he's griefing someone in TF2. It's how tightly he squeezes my hand at the doctor, and the way we mocked the doctors in the ER.
It's the smell of his shampoo, and the smile he gives only for me. It's the way he puts up with the neighbour boys because he knows I like them. It's the way he blushes, and the way he used to timidly touch my feet. It's the way his hugs make me feel like there's nothing else in the world. It's the way he kept the nightmares at bay, and the way my head fits against his shoulder. It's the way he cuddles my teddy bear, and even the way he thrashes me at cards. It's the way he trusts me with all his little neuroses, and that face he makes when he drums.
It's holding his hand on the cold walk to his place. It's that we disagree. It's the way we bump hat brims, and how he welcomed me into his world. It's when he randomly decrees it to be my turn, and sitting next to him on the bus. It's coffee at Tim Hortons, and late night treks to 711. It's the way I feel so completely safe in his arms, and that he bought a blanket just for me. It's Monster energy drinks, and spending hours sitting in Subway.
It's Pokemon cards, and secrets, and chocolate milk. It's sailor moon, trigun and Heroes. It's talking about everything and nothing for hours on end. It's feeling like someone loves me just as I am, no lies, no secrets, no masks. It's not being afraid to be damaged. It's the way he calls me sweetie even though he hates nicknames. It's the way his name feels right on my tongue, and the way seeing him makes a bad day good.
It's that he started talking about Hockey because I liked it, and the way he put up with so many awkward situations just for me. It's the way he makes me see the world, and that I started to see myself as he said he saw me. It's funny kisses, and nuzzles, and zub zub. It's mispronouncing words, and silly accents, and soft kisses. It's the way I always loved the clothes he chose for me.
It's compromises, and finding our way together. It's laughter and staying up way too late. It's learning to change the little things I do, to make his life more pleasant. It's the feeling of joy when I surprise him with something. It's the smell of his skin. It's knowing when he's reading my eyes. It's not having to use small words, and learning new ones from him. It's stepping out of my comfort zone knowing he's there with me. It's the thank you's and please's and I love you's whispered in our ears. It's learning and growing. It's loving.
It's just the way I feel when he's around. Like everything is ok, and I can do anything I put my mind to. He makes me happy. I love him and that's why he's the one I want to hang on to....